Chad is NOT breaking up with me.
Not in the middle of my apartment hallway…
And not after spending three hours in my bed.
Chad
Look, I don’t want you to take this personally.
Chad
I just don’t think our lifestyles are compatible.
Chad
I mean, it’s clear you don’t really take care of yourself.
Chad
For instance, I love to exercise and you…
My curvy, luscious body that I’ve always loved…
It’s as if he’s saying, “clearly you don’t care how you look.”
Chad
I pride myself on eating clean.
He chuckles and shakes his head.
Chad
I’ve seen the inside of your pantry.
Chad
I mean, you could feed a village with all that chocolate.
I still can’t get my mouth to form words.
So I just stand there, mouthing like a fish.
Chad
You understand, don’t you?
Chad
It just wouldn’t make sense between us.
He gives me a smile filled with pity.
Chad
In terms of a relationship…
Chad
We should both box in our own weight class.
I don’t know what to think.
My self-esteem just took such a dive…
I’m worried I’ll get a nosebleed.
He takes a step toward me.
Chad
I don’t want to leave on bad terms.
Chad
Say something, Lulu Bell.
I cringe at the nickname.
And I’m just about to respond…
When the door across from mine opens.
It’s my new neighbor, Shane.
And by the look on his face…
I can tell he heard everything.
Well! Isn’t that just the icing on the cake…
Embarrassing myself in front of someone like him.
Shane is handsome enough to be famous…
With a body that looks like it's been carved from stone.
I bet he’s never been dumped before.
Let alone for his weight.
And I’d rather die than have either of them see me cry—
So I run back inside my apartment…
Slamming the door in both of their faces.
I put on a pair of neglected running shoes at 6 a.m.
Because last night when I looked in the mirror…
For the first time, I didn’t like what was staring back.
I’ll exercise every morning.
Cut out all sweets and carbs.
And then throw my new body in Chad’s face.
All this sounds great in my head.
And even at 6 a.m., it’s balmy.
It also registers that I have no idea what I’m doing.
I half-ass some stretches…
Then make my way to the sidewalk.
No one else is around, thank God.
I force myself to start running.
It’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
I make it to the end of the block without breaking a sweat.
Sweat is forming in some really uncomfortable places.
I’m on my hands and knees…
I look back and my stomach falls.
I can still see my apartment building.
After only a quarter of a mile…
I can barely catch my breath.
Running isn’t for people like me.
And that’s something I’ve never been.
Shame and self-pity war within me.
And both have me turning for home.
Now, on top of everything else…
I had a long day at work…
But I forced myself to take home a salad instead.
Needless to say, I’m not looking forward to eating it.
But then I notice a package in front of my door.
I recognize the box instantly.
Home to the best cupcakes in the county.
Before I can read the tag…
The door across from mine opens again.
He’s in a tank and athletic shorts…
And as usual, his body looks as hard as a roman statue.
His eyes flick to the box…
Shane
Heard good things about that place.
Shane
So I swung by after work.
Shane
Figured you might need a little pick me up…
Shane
You know, after yesterday.
Shane
Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with sweets.
Shane
You shouldn’t take his words to heart.
And the humiliation from last night rushes to the surface.
Any other time I’d be flattered by the gesture.
Lulu
Get the fat girl cupcakes.
Lulu
That was your big idea?!
He physically recoils at my words.
Lulu
You just assume that FOOD is going to make me feel better?!
Lulu
That I just spend every night stuffing my face?!
Lulu
You know nothing about me!
He looks utterly shell-shocked.
But I don’t let him finish.
Instead, I run inside my apartment…
Just like I did the night before.
